My lowest point in life.

This and last week has been like that endless dark pit which you’ll never want to fall through and which you would never wish on anyone to experience even your worst enemy; that’s how bad these past few days have been.  I have no idea how my life changed, I just woke up one morning and suddenly things were different my room, my life, my friends, my thoughts, it’s like one day you wake up being someone totally different but in the same body, that instance when you wake up and you look into the mirror and you totally have no idea who is looking back at you.

I thought to myself that it was probably the Monday blues and it would pass but I was wrong. As the day progressed I felt worse I didn’t want to talk anyone and didn’t want anyone to talk to me and if they tried I would just push them away, I know they probably thought I was being a big  headed jerk, I couldn’t  blame them cause even though they were my friends they didn’t get what I was going through; hell, i didn’t know what I was going through so basically all alone I just put on my earphones and faded away to a different world thinking it would make things better, once again I guess I was wrong it only made time pass faster but the second I removed the earphones reality hit me in the face even harder than before if you have seen the video Numb by linking park you might be able to get the picture.

In class while the lecture was still going on I was not getting a word coming out of the lecture’s mouth it was like my ears were in mute yet so many thoughts were flowing through me and the weird thing is that I didn’t really get those thoughts I really felt like hitting something or someone I was just wishing nature would give me that opportunity. I really don’t know how but I began to listen  when the lecture turned his words ( i think he was trying to inspire the class or something) saying in that life is great and exciting: If it was a different day I would applaud him but this day I was almost sending some not very nice words to him but thank God for self-control.

As the day progressed I really felt like crap. The weird thing is that to date nothing much has changed maybe just became worse, I really am afraid this time, nothing is working in my life.

Annoying things are imporant in our lives part 2

Lots of us were born into towns full of people we couldn’t stand. As a kid, maybe you found yourself in an elementary school classroom, packed in with two dozen kids you did not choose and who shared none of your tastes or interests. Maybe you got beat up a lot.

But, you’ve grown up. And if you’re, say, a huge DragonForce fan, you can go find their forum and meet a dozen people just like you. Or even better, start a private room with your favorite few and lock everybody else out. Say goodbye to the tedious, awkward, painful process of dealing with somebody who’s truly different. That’s another Old World inconvenience, like having to wash your clothes in a creek.

The problem is that peacefully dealing with incompatible people is crucial to living in a society. In fact, if you think about it, peacefully dealing with people you can’t stand is society. Just people with opposite tastes and conflicting personalities sharing space and cooperating, often through gritted teeth.

Fifty years ago, you had to sit in a crowded room to see a movie. You didn’t get to choose; you either did that or you missed the movie. When you got a new car, everyone on the block came and stood in your yard to look it over. You can bet that some of those people were (filtered).

Yet, on the whole, people back then were apparently happier in their jobs and more satisfied with their lives. And get this: They had more friends.

That’s right. Even though they had almost no ability to filter their peers according to common interests (hell, often you were just friends with the guy who happened to live next door), they still came up with more close friends than we have now people they could trust.

It turns out, apparently, that after you get over that first irritation, after you shed your shell of “they listen to different music because they wouldn’t understand mine” superiority, there’s a sort of comfort in needing other people and being needed on a level beyond common interests. It turns out humans are social animals after all. And that ability to suffer fools, to tolerate annoyance, that’s literally the one single thing that allows you to function in a world populated by other people who aren’t you. Otherwise, you turn emo. Science has proven it.

Annoying things are imporant in our lives part 1

{There is this story I was reading it goes like this}

Scientists call it the Naked Photo Test, and it works like this: say a photo turns up of you nakedly doing something that would shame you and your family for generations. Ask yourself how many people in your life you would trust with that photo. If you’re like the rest of us, you probably have at most two.

Even more depressing, studies show that about one out of four people have no one they can confide in.

The Sad Bear 1, by Nedroid

The average number of close friends we say we have is dropping fast, down dramatically in just the last 20 years. Why?

#We don’t have enough annoying strangers in our lives.

That’s not sarcasm. Annoyance is something you build up a tolerance to, like alcohol or a bad smell. The more we’re able to edit the annoyance out of our lives, the less we’re able to handle it.

The problem is we’ve built an awesome, sprawling web of technology meant purely to let us avoid annoying people. Do all your Christmas shopping online and avoid the fat lady ramming her cart into you at Target. Spend $5,000 on a home theater system so you can see movies on a big screen without a toddler kicking the back of your seat. Hell, rent the DVD’s from Netflix and you don’t even have to spend the 30 seconds with the confused kid working the register at Blockbuster.

Get stuck in the waiting room at the doctor? No way we’re striking up a conversation with the smelly old man in the next seat. We’ll plug the iPod into our ears and have a text conversation with a friend or play our DS. Filter that annoyance right out of our world.

From outofbalance.org

Now that would be awesome if it were actually possible to keep all of the irritating things out of your life. But, it’s not. It never will be. As long as you have needs, you’ll have to deal with people you can’t stand from time to time. We’re losing that skill, the one that lets us deal with strangers and tolerate their shrill voices and clunky senses of humor and body odor and squeaky shoes. So, what encounters, you do have to the outside world, the world you can’t control, make you want to go on a screaming crotch-punching spree are actually one of the things that you actually need for your development in life…………………

NB: READ PART 2 TO GET THE WHOLE PICTURE: TO BE RELEASED TOMORROW!

Embrace your Uniqueness

The first time I was told to be ashamed of myself was at home. The first time I actually felt ashamed of myself was at school on Senior Day. This rite of passage awaited every high school senior in my class. We, seniors, lined up behind the ornate pulpit and, one by one, shuffled to the microphone to announce the universities to which we would be joining in the fall. Just as cruel fate would have it, the kid just before me announced he was going to Harvard on a full ride, no less. Then I stepped to the microphone with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t want to be there. It was silly. It was no one’s business but my own what I was going to do with my life. I wanted to run, but since I couldn’t, I did the next best thing; I lied. I thought about announcing I was going to Harvard, but my teachers in the audience knew my grades. In the heat of the moment I stepped to the microphone and blurted out, “While they’re all going to school, I’m going to work!” Ha, ha, not really?

No one laughed, seemed shocked, or disappointed. The reaction was nil. I guess it sounded like the right thing for an average kid from an average family to do. I was the only one surprised or wounded by my words. Everything within me wanted someone to stand up in protest. I wanted my coach, one of my teachers, my parents, or anyone to stand up and say, “You’re a smart kid. You’re destined for great things!” I shuffled off the stage in a hurry to get anywhere but there. I ran down the hallway, wanting more than anything to hear the sound of someone running after me. I needed someone to tell me I was important, I was special, and I could do anything I set my mind to do. But no one came, no one called, and no one seemed to notice or care. It wasn’t just okay for me to be ordinary; it was expected. It was okay with my parents and my school, and now I had the misguided opinion it was even okay with God. But it wasn’t okay with me. I already hated my life and dreaded my future. I decided from that day on, I would show the world just how common and ordinary my behavior could be.

I vowed to break loose from the labels and limitations that were suffocating me even before I had the chance to succeed or fail for that matter. I set out on a quest that day to find someone to believe in me. There had to be someone in this world who could see beyond my rough, tough-guy exterior and discover something of greatness, but where was this person, and how could I find him? That day I rejected the mindset that said, “Get a job, get a wife, get a mortgage, and then get burial insurance!”

By the time I was seventeen, I had accepted the idea that rules are more important than relationships, fitting in is more desirable than standing out, and you’ll never amount to anything without trying to be like someone else. I had already learned not to like myself. I didn’t know then that I’d tend to live according to other people’s expectations of me.

Labels affix themselves to your heart and possess your thinking. I realize now this cycle of low expectation and lower desire is not limited to my town, my home, or even my school. It is an epidemic because most people have accepted mediocre as the measuring stick of their lives. Why? We’ve been labeled, and those labels libel and limit us. We don’t believe in ourselves because we’re taught to look at our lives through the lens of labels.